So you've done your homework and properly prepared for your divorce.  You also found a great divorce lawyer.  Now it's time to inform your spouse.

Step 3:  Filing for a Divorce and Informing Your Spouse

Your divorce process has begun.  Your lawyer will take time to get to understand your situation.  He/she will talk to you about your finances, your future goals, your children, your needs, and ultimately what your expectations are.  If your expectations are unreasonable your lawyer will also let you know this.

It is important to be very clear with your divorce lawyer about the items above.  If you are not, or hold back in anyway, you could be jeopardizing your future and that of your loved ones.  Understand that your lawyer is not there to judge you, but to help you through the divorce process in an efficient manner.

The Divorce Petition – you will most likely complete a divorce petition with your divorce lawyer.  This is typically the first “official” step of the divorce process.  Once you and your lawyer complete the divorce petition it is delivered to the court.  The court will then “serve” this petition to your spouse.

Depending on your situation informing your spouse about a divorce is a very stressful event.  Hopefully, you are at this point in the divorce process because you have exhausted all other means of saving your marriage.  If that is the case, then your spouse most likely knows a divorce is imminent because it has already been discussed.  If that is the case serving divorce papers is a little easier to handle.

On the other hand, if your spouse is unaware of the impending divorce, being served with divorce papers is a difficult blow.  Whenever possible it is best to inform your spouse prior to the serving of divorce papers.  When it is a shock, you often end up setting a “battle” tone to the process.  Your spouse will most likely go immediately to the defensive which often causes confrontation.

Once notified there are several legal aspects of the divorce process.  Each state has its own divorce laws; some require a waiting period while others do not.  Here are some of the steps most states require throughout the divorce process:

Divorce Waiting Periods:  some states mandate a waiting period of 6 months prior to enabling the official divorce to go through.  This is because many states have found that a waiting period helps reduce the divorce rate by giving couples time to fix their problems.

State Residency Requirements:  many states require that the spouse who is filing for divorce be a resident of the state.  This is typically not a problem for most couples entering divorce but there are rare circumstances where this requirement comes into play.

Judges Discretion:  most states allow the divorce judge to implement their own rules regarding the divorce.  These rules will most likely be spelled out in the official divorce decree.  While these rules are not imposed by state law, the judge often has the ability to use discretion on a case-by-case basis.

Divorce is no doubt a stressful process that is likely to take some time to recover from.  You can expect the entire divorce process to last anywhere from 6 months to 2 years depending on your state and the complexity of the divorce case.  During the divorce process you will most likely feel overwhelmed and alone.  At these moments it is important to rely on your divorce lawyer and close friends and family to get you through these tough times.

Take it one day at a time and make sure to set your emotions aside and make decisions using a rational thought process whenever possible.

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